Spanked and Banged

OH MY GOD! Someone at work just told me that she had to stop drinking Diet Coke because the aspartame caused her to have memory loss. What the hell am I going to drink my rum with?

What was I saying?

Oh right. So the other day I made a major, life-changing decision. I got bangs. Not sweet, little frilly bangs…I’m talking Anna Wintour bangs. Serious, line-across-the-forehead bangs. Bangs with A-TI-TUDE.

And wow – did they ever change the way I look.

I’m loving the cut (my hairdresser at Haartek is awesome), and am trying to ‘rock it’ as best as someone with no fashion sense can. I’m meeting some friends tonight for drinks in Yorkville (Toronto's 'ritzy' section) – and since these are my ‘I kinda have to look nice’ friends, I thought to myself ‘self, you are going to dress très cool today and ROCK THOSE BANGS’. (Side note: last time I was in Yorkville, I managed to topple over an entire display of hats at Holt Renfrew. The saleslady was not pleased. I am really not Yorkville material, if you know what I mean)

Looking très cool for me involves SPANX. Love them.

After knocking over a lamp and swearing profusely, I managed to wrestle on the SPANX, slip on a simple black dress, throw on a GAP jean jacket (bought when I weighed about 30 pounds lighter) and put on my black heels. Out the door I go, working it, WORKING IT!

Until I see a mirror at work. Feeling like a million bucks…and looking like a hooker.

Oops.
Yorkville will never be the same. See you soon, ladies!