Humble Pie

Do you know what -28 with wind chill feels like?

Take an ice cube out of the freezer. Now put it on your nipple for as long as you can stand it – then keep it on for another 3 minutes after that.

That is what -28 feels like. It ain’t pretty.

I’ve been slowly trying to re-acquaint myself to being in the middle of the freezing -- but drop-dead gorgeous -- north, and so far I think I have been doing ok. Except that it is cold. FUCKING COLD. One colleague told me to “suck it up, buttercup. You’re the one who wanted to come back.”

Yeah, well…that’s not the point. Oh, and go to hell.

Turns out I am not so tough after all. I need boots. Big Sorel boots that wrap my delicate tootsies in warmth. I also need new gloves/mitts. The ones I have are just not cutting it right now, especially when I am out with Roxy and my mom’s dog Maisy trying to throw sticks. They are sticking to my mitts, so when I throw them the dogs run one way and the stick inevitably gets stuck in my mitt, flips around and catches me in the head.

Not a great way to start the day, let me tell you.

I’ve also discovered that, contrary to my snotty post earlier about this place being too common for sushi, there IS an actual sushi place here! It’s brand spankin’ new, and from what I heard very good.

So what if I walked out on my first visit when they told me takeout would be 1.5 hours…it’s SUSHI! At least I know now that when I want it, I’ll just have to order ahead of time. According to my mom, it takes that long because it’s fresh.

Uhm…ok mom. And I bet you think they spend all that time actually catching the fish, too.

The other thing I’ve realized is that I have a very big head. I actually thought coming here that people would be all ‘wooo-look at her. New girl is good-looking!’ So. Not. The. Case.

There are more good looking people here than in Toronto! And what’s worse – they are nice. NICE. God, I hate that. I even caught myself looking at some dude here and thinking to myself “oh dear Lord, I hope he doesn’t ask me out. So not my type. How will I let him down easily? Will I be FORCED to go out with him???”…only to find out he is MARRIED. And I’m like Really? REALLY?

I am SUCH a snob.

I finally took a good, hard, long look in the mirror. And what I saw scared me. I have the beginnings of a double chin. My cheeks are chunky. My mid-section is lumpy. Sigh. There is no sex-pot anywhere in sight.

This ladies and gentlemen, this is why God invented cheese and rum. For days like today.