So this is the very first entry from my BRAND NEW COMPUTER! Not to be confused with my BRAND NEW CAR! Which after today will need to be called me brand new car (no caps) because it got into a little acc-sy-DENT. More on that later. Let's just say she's not a virgin anymore. So much for my Bitch Ho Sly Virgin. Did I even get that right?
Anyhoo, back to the computer. She's gorgeous. She's blue -- my favourite colour...ok, well one of them anyhow -- and seems to work juuussssttt fine. I picked her out with the help of my friend, who I'll call Frenchy, because it just so happens that I met her because she is teaching me French. Frenchy, like from the movie Grease, you know? Not because she can do smoke rings. Or because she's a beauty school drop-out. Actually, she's a professional organizer...something I know nothing about, believe me.
So, I told her I needed a laptop, en Français of course, so she brought her computer-geek boyfriend (is that mean? He's just very knowledgeable...) to meet me and we all went computer shopping. It was SO MUCH FUN having someone else do it for me! I must consider hiring a personal shopper.....
Anyhow, he spoke some foreign computer-language (it may have been Greek) and told me I should buy this one. So I did.
It's very pretty.
In other news, the weather here has been unbelievable lately. We went up to 11 degrees today, amazing for this time of year! Which brings me to the title of this post....
Picture it: Northern Ontario, 2010. A beautiful sunny Sunday in March. Birds are singing, the sun is shining and people are out in cut-off t-shirts and shorts. OK, that may be a bit of an exaggeration. The shorts, that is. Cut-off shirts are like, a uniform here. Don't laugh. I've got four.
ANYHOW, Roxy and I are on a walk, a beautiful walk on the trails. Roxy is running all over, the jing-jing-jingling of her collar the only sound I can hear. The sky is bright, clear. The weather is perfect. Redkap has her head in the clouds.
Until...
No more jing-jing-jingling. Uh-oh. this can only mean two things: either Roxy has been eaten by a wild animal, or she's rolling in something. I can't decide which one is worse.
I turn around, calling her name frantically, only to find her in the bush almost making love to a...a...what is that? A dead fish?
Oh. My. God. It is a dead fish. Or something that resembles one.
I don't think my voice has ever reached that octave before. I practically yodelled, to be honest. And out comes Roxy, proud as a peacock, with slime running down her side, back and snout. I swear to God that I saw green steam coming off of her. And Lord, did she smell. I mean, tears came to my eyes she smelled so bad.
Oh no, I thought. I'm gonna have to give her a bath.
Oh wait! I don't have a bath! I only have a shower. And wait another minute...where the hell did I pack that damn dog shampoo? Oh no! I gave it away before I moved. DAMN!
Fast forward to me in the shower with my dog, wearing shorts and a t-shirt (seriously...did you think I would do this NAKED? Being in the shower with my DOG is weird enough....) trying desperately to shampoo Fructus shampoo into her fur because I don't have any dog shampoo. And no, before you ask, I didn't use conditioner.
In the end, she now smells like dead-fish-and-fruit. Fruity-dead-fish. Fruc-to-rot.
I wonder if I could market that.....
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