Roxy the Wonder Mutt, Part Three? (Maybe Four?)

The scene: 5:45 a.m. Friday. I am sleeping, hard, after having a mild bout of insomnia. I am dreaming that something is looking at me…something I can’t see, but I know it’s there. Watching. Waiting. I open my eyes and…

Me: Narpf..uhh…

Roxy is staring at me. Her front paws are on the bed, her hind end is on the floor. As I open my eyes, I see her ears perk up, her mouth open into what looks like a smile, and her tail wagging so fast I think she is going to take off.

Me: Uhhhggg…Rox?

I wipe my drool off my cheek.

Roxy: You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake! You’re awake!

Me: Oh man, what time is it?

Roxy: Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hiiiiiiiiiiii!

Me: What’s going on Rox?

Roxy: Wanna play? Wanna play? Wanna play? Wanna play?

She hands me Bill the Pig 2, the smelly, chewed up pig I bought her to replace Bill the Pig 1. Which is also smelly.

Roxy: Toss it.

Me: Oh man, it’s too early.

Roxy: Toss it toss it toss it toss it toss it toss it toss it toss it.

Me: Do you want to go outside?

Roxy: OUTSIIIIDE! Outside outside outside outside outside! I am jumping! I am jumping!

Me: Ugh! Get off me. You're a freak.

Roxy: Freak, freak, freak, freak, freak!

I get up, half asleep. Roxy is turning in circles, tail wagging furiously. I stumble to the door. She is already there. I open it. She turns and goes back to bed.

Roxy: I’m tired.

Me: F*cking dog.

I get back into bed. She lies beside me, facing me.

Roxy: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii momma!

Me: Stop panting in my face.

She manoeuvres herself closer.

Roxy: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii momma!

Me: No licking.

She manoeuvres herself even closer. We are almost spooning, but we are facing each other.

Roxy: I luuuurve you momma!

Me, giving in: Oh, you are so darn cute. Look at you, sweet thing.

Roxy: Sweet thing, sweet thing!

Me: Are you the best girl? Are you my good girl?

Roxy: I am a good girl! I am a good girl! Look! No barking!

Me: I’m tired, go to sleep.

Roxy: I’m tired. I’m going to sleep.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when my alarm goes off.

F*cking dog.