Whe Pills Aren't Enough Sessions...#1

Here is the first entry from a fellow blogger who shall remain nameless and needs to vent a bit. More to come, I'm sure!
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Nosy Bitch

You know that old saying about curiosity killing the cat? It’s true. At the very least, curiosity will give the cat an ulcer.

I’m nosy. I make no bones about it and admit it quite freely. I’ve learned a number of things that I would be better off not knowing, but what has been seen cannot be unseen and all that jazz. That being said, I’m embarrassed to write this post because I’m embarrassed by my actions.

I feel it necessary to preface this by stressing that I had/have NO REASON to snoop: I wasn’t suspicious, he wasn’t acting differently, I know he would never cheat on me, etc. I have no doubts where he is concerned, nor do I have *reason* to doubt him. As well, passwords have never been a secret, which includes logging into sites on each other’s computers and clicking “remember this password.” So, as hollow as this may sound, it’s definitely a nosiness thing as opposed to a trust thing.

As well, we had a *ahem* conversation regarding another one of his female friends, their “relationship,” and my... nervousness about the whole thing – needless to say, I don’t understand his need/ability to maintain relationships with his exes, as mine are all but forgotten about once they’ve exited stage left. (He understood where I was coming from and did an excellent job at allaying my fears, to the point that I now consider her one of MY friends.)

The first time, he was off for an evening of playing Risk with his buddies. I went to check my facebook page and found him logged in, so I read his news feed page. When I noticed the inbox notification, I clicked over to see a message from an ex-girlfriend. It seems that he had sent her a message wishing her a happy holiday season and that he hoped life was treating her well. She replied by saying she was surprised to hear from him after "what happened". She also went on to say that she couldn’t add him as a friend because her friends wouldn’t understand, as they still “hated” him after "what happened".

("What happened" was just the bullshit fall-out of a “relationship” between two 17-year olds: he decided he didn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore, but instead of manning up and telling her, he just stopped calling/seeing/hanging out with her. She, in turn, allowed herself to be used by him even though he was acting like a dill hole. So, as far as her friends are concerned? Grow up. Get over it. It was FOURTEEN YEARS AGO. Like hell I’d let my pals decided who I could and couldn’t be friends with on FACEBOOK, fer crissakes. )

I was shocked and a little worried: why would he contact her out of the blue 14 years later? On top of that, I felt HORRIBLE about what I had done. When he got home, I tearfully confessed; he went on to tell me that I had nothing to apologize for, as he had nothing to hide and really didn’t care if I looked or not, saying that if he did, he would have never told me his password. I felt so relieved and swore I’d never do it again.

But we’re all familiar with Pandora’s Box, right? *heavy, embarrassed sigh*

I checked again. And again and again and again. I became damn-near obsessed with reading their correspondence. There was never anything to be concerned about, just the back-and-forth of two people who “dated” at the ripe, old age of 17, revisiting the past and sharing bits and pieces of their current lives. He told her that I had read their emails, being extremely kind and telling her that he had shown them to me instead of outing me for the Nosy Nelly I really am. She expressed shock and awe, stating that she would NEVER tell her husband (yes, she’s married – but married women cheat, too) because he wouldn't understand.

At some point, I stopped checking. One of the last messages I read said that she and her husband were moving (yes, they’re on the other side of the country – but she has family here and visits at least once a year), so she wouldn’t be on facebook much (no internet).

Then we bought a video game that has its own online forum. Apparently she not only plays this game religiously, she’s a member of said forum (hell, for all I know, it was her recommendation that caused him to suggest the game to me). As I got more and more involved in the game, I started googling various things and came across the forum. When I clicked the link, lo and behold, he was logged in (again, my laptop). Of course I clicked on “my private threads” when I saw the link. And lo and behold, a handful of messages of back-and-forth between them, including the initial message from her stating that the forum was the “best” place to contact her (not facebook or via email... weird).

I have checked a handful of times since then, but it’s pretty much been small talk, including them talking about the "legendary" mixed tapes she used to make, him asking if it would be weird to ask for one of her upgraded mixed CDs, and her mentioning coming out here to visit her parents.

Until yesterday.

I was bored, so I clicked the right buttons to get me where I wanted to go. I found a thread in which she mentions her visit, going on to say that he didn’t get a CD because she was waiting for him to ask to see her while she was here.

Pardon. Me.?

My suspicion radar went off the charts. She ended up marrying the first guy she dated after him and they moved to the other side of the country, where she has worked to help put him through school – I’ve gotten the impression that she’s not entirely happy with how life has turned out. And now here she is, sounding disappointed that my other half didn’t read her mind and ask to see her?!?

He never directly addressed her visit, before she came or after she went home. He hasn’t responded to that message. And I’m left feeling like now I do have a reason to check up on things (from her end). I know that being married would be a no-go for some people, but I don’t know her or anything about her. I know that living on the other side of the country puts an obvious hamper on hanky panky, but I also know how easily online relationships are formed and how quickly they can escalate.

Does it make any sense when I say that I trust him implicitly, but wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her?