Last Night: Two Sides of the Story

Roxy's side:

Mama, I know you have to get up early tomorrow morning, so here's what I'm going to do.:I'm going to fall asleep at 7 pm, and refuse to go out for my nightly walk. Then when you go to bed at 9, I will begrudgingly go out and lay in the middle of the lawn while you brush your teeth.

I will ignore your calls for me to come in, choosing instead to wait until you have to come outside in your pink-stripped pj's and a pair of flip flops...ironically, at the same time the next door neighbour's company is leaving.

I will fall asleep on the couch for a bit, then move into the bedroom where I will flop noisily on the ground beside the head of your bed. Then, every 7-10 minutes, I will switch positions so that my dog tags clang against the floor just as you are trying to drift off to sleep.

After you get annoyed and take off my collar, I will paw at the bed, right beside your head. When you ask if I need to go out, I will put my ears down like you are trying to take me to the pound. After you spend a few minutes petting me, I will paw again at your head. This time, when you ask if I want to go out, I will run down the hall to the door.

I will lay in the middle of the lawn while you take the opportunity to go the bathroom. I will ignore your calls to come inside until I hear that certain pitch in your voice, the one that can wake the neighbours four doors down.

I will return to the couch. A little while later I will go back into the bedroom and paw at the end of the bed. I will ignore your plea to "please, please just get up on the bed", and choose instead to just sit there and paw.

After you get out of bed and lift me onto the bed, I will lay and pant in your face for an hour. Then I will jump off the bed and paw at the door. You will get up yet again, and let me out. I will lay in the grass again while you decide to go back to bed, knowing that you will not sleep until you hear the delicate scratch scratch of my paw against the door to come back in.

By now, it will be almost 6 in the morning. You will be tired. I will ask to go out one more time. Then I will get up on the bed all by myself, curl up in the pillows and fall asleep, and I will stay there even after you've had to get up, take a shower and get ready to go.

Please don't wake me up. I'll have had a long night.


My version:

"FortheloveofallthatsgoodinthisworldpleasePLEASEletmegotosleepIamonmykneesbeggingyoutostopthisyoucrazymutt..."