Out of the Mouths of Babes....NOT

I went to spend some time with my nieces last weekend. They’ll be moving to another city soon with their mom and dad, so I wanted to spend some quality time with them, making enough memories to last a lifetime….(cue sad music)

Well, we did make memories. Here are some of them.

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Scene: I’m getting dressed when my oldest niece walks in. Apparently she still doesn’t get the whole privacy thing. She catches a glimpse of my undies. And just when I think she’s going to tell me they are pretty (I wore my best ones!) she points at my butt and says:

“You have a biiig bum!”

Oh, ok. Thanks.

I turn around, and she runs up to my stomach.

Her: You have a biiiig belly!

Then she puts both hands on my belly and whispers: Is there a baby in there?

Me: To get pregnant you actually have to have sex.

Blank stare.This is when Attila drops in, screams loudly and destroys my card key for work.

Oh. My. Head.

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Later that night, I’m playing piano (badly…very, very badly), when the same niece runs up to me and says:

“Do you know any Beaver songs?”

Me: Beaver songs? Like ‘Land of the silverbirch, home of the beaver’? That song?

Her: No, Beaver songs!

Around this time Attila decides to see if someone left the bathroom doors open for her. Oops...I did. Next thing I know she's trying to get in the toilet to play with the automatic cleaner in the bowl. I pick her up, close the door and return to the piano.

My sister-in-law pipes up - She means Justin Bieber songs.

This kid is only three and a half, and she’s already in love with the Beebs? Double oh my head!

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Fast forward to the next morning. Attila is being her usual self, singing and talking in her crib. I took over my oldest niece’s bed for the weekend, which is where I was at SEVEN IN THE MORNING when she decides to visit me. I’m not good in the mornings. Especially if it’s before 8 (ok, 9) and it’s the weekend.

Her: Auntie Redkap?

Me: Mmm…snarf

Her: Auntie Redkap I want to sleep with you.

Mr: Huh? Oh, ok sweetie-pie. Come here and let’s get you comfy. Don’t mind my big butt.

I’m just starting to drift off again when…

Her (whispering): Auntie Redkap?

Me: Mmmm?

Her (still whispering): Can you read me a story?

Me: How about we sleep for just a liiiittle bit longer, and then I’ll read you a story?

Her: OK.

Four minutes later…

Her: Auntie Redkap?

Me: Good Lord! I mean, yes, my love?

Her: Can we read a story now?

This went on for another 10 minutes, until I finally realized that I would never, ever win. Needless to say we all took a nap that afternoon. Right after Attila ran into a wall.