Cleanse: Day One

So, I bit the bullet and decided to commit to a cleanse. It says it’s a nine-day cleanse, but they lied; there are two ‘preparation days’ ahead of it where you are drinking shakes and eating a ‘sensible meal’.

First of all, what does a sensible meal include? I eat a lot….so does this mean I have to go from three bowls of spaghetti down to only 1.5 bowls at dinner? Less? Are you KIDDING ME???

So, in reality, it is an 11-day cleanse. What this means to me:


- No rum for 11 DAYS.

- No Diet Coke for 11 DAYS.

- Did I mention no rum? FOR 11 DAYS?


My liver won’t know what to do with itself.

Day one: I’ve had my two shakes (chocolate flavour, of course) and one of my ‘healthy’ snacks – carrots. All I really want is wonton soup. Dinner will be a ‘sensible’ salad with a piece of chicken and yogurt. I may throw in some broccoli too.

Then I’m going to snarf down some chocolate-covered pretzels for desert. Ok, not really. But is it bad if I already want to and it’s only Day One?

This is going to be the Longest. Eleven. Days. Ever.

Help me, Rhonda.