You know that scene in Bridget Jones' Diary? The one where she decides to wear a big granny girdle because it will highly increase her chance of getting lucky (vs. wearing a leopard-print thong)? I tested that theory this weekend.
Sigh.
Double sigh.
It didn't work.
I went to a Halloween-themed stag and doe this weekend. I dressed up as Mother Nature - you know, the virginal, helpful vision in white that gives women PAINFUL MONTHLY GIFTS EVERY F*CKING MONTH.
Anyhow, I gtot caught up the moment. I shaved. I plucked. And, if you know me, you know getting rid of all that hair is no easy feat.
I put green and gold leafy garland in my hair. I had birds and butterflies strategically placed all over my body. I has a tree branch for a belt. I wore my gramma's flower slippers on my feet. I wore a girdle. I put green stick-on glitter on my face, for goodness sake!
And let me tell you that among all the black devils, witches, pirates, wenches, zombies and Tim Hortons coffee cups, I was a vision in white. the ONLY vision in white. Well, me and the woman who dressed as a chandelier. That was a good costume too. I guess.
And then I walked around all night handing out tampons and asking people to deflower me. Ok, that's not true. I didn't hand out tampons.
I did dance all night. My friend Nancy said we danced our 'assets' off, although I think she meant 'asses'. She's French.
I did not get lucky. But on the other hand, my bedroom got cleaned. You know, just in case.
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