PEPSI IS RUINING MY LIFE!!!

Oh hey. I have no excuse. For not posting, I mean. Other than I haven't posted because I have no excuse. Ok? Ok. And some weird dude keeps leaving the same Arabic message in the comments section. I think it's some computer-thingy because it's the same message every time. If I end up on a no-fly list, MAMA BEAR WILL NOT BE HAPPY.

Anyway, I've been travelling a lot lately, and I am noticing many establishments carry Pepsi products and not Coca-Cola products, which as many of you know, is like, THE END OF THE WORLD FOR ME. And before you start going on about formaldehyde and why I shouldn't be drinking cola in the first place, I have one word for you: Rum. Ok? Discussion over.

I've taken the Pepsi Challenge and won. Meaning they had to give me a case of  Diet Coke. You serve me a rum and Diet Pepsi instead of Diet Coke and not tell me? I will school you in 20 seconds about the difference.

So, you can imagine my frustration at having a hotel that I've been frequenting since last October only serving Pepsi products. I mean, I've been staying here for at least 7 months, please placate me with Diet Coke. But no. It never happened. When I said (somewhat) jokingly that they were ruining my life (ok, I was having a bad day), they responded by telling me that the entire chain of hotels only serves Pepsi products because of their environmental practices.

Blink.

Blink blink.

Ok, so not only are you telling me I am killing myself drinking Diet Coke, now I am KILLING THE ENVIRONMENT??? COME ON! So I bought a stupid Diet Pepsi and choked it down, knowing I was saving birds and shit.

Fast forward to the next week. After driving around my hometown doing what seemed like 200 errands, I realized that I forgot Diet Coke. FORGOT DIET COKE. Dear Lord! What to do?

So, I stopped at the nearest corner store to buy some - except the store only sold Pepsi products. I didn't want to ask why.  Then I stopped at Mr. Sub since it was just across the street (I just didn't want to have to go back to the grocery store...becaue in a small town they are so far away. Not.) and discovered THEY only serve Pepsi products.

At this point I feel like God is trying to get back at me for all the years I've been drinking Diet Coke and somehow affected the environment.

I stop in a THIRD store, and OH MY GOD!! ONLY PEPSI MACHINES AGAIN! But in the very last one, on the bottom shelf, as if they were embarrassed to sell it because of their environmental practices, were a few bottles of Diet Coke.

The skies opened, the heavens sang, and unicorns started crapping rainbows.

So now I am going to investigate Coke's environmental practices. And I was going to write something snarky about how that might even stop me from drinking it, but if I found something that was terrible, I would. Which will seriously affect my rum drinking. I guess I could start drinking it straight. But that would seriously affect my walking.