Amen

So, if you've been reading this, or even if you haven't, I hope you know by now that I suffer from some crazy things. Things I need meds for. And then I came across this Facebook post from a former colleague, and when I read it I was amazed by how much it hit home:

"I suffer from anxiety. I take both long term and short term medications for it. While there are some triggers, I mostly don’t know how or why I feel the way I do. While many people see me as funny and outgoing and confident, there is so much turmoil inside I often feel completely and utterly helpless. I have great days, days where I feel normal and I have terrifying days. Most of my closest friends or coworkers or even my sons do not know this about me. I do not need their sympathy. Just a little bit of understanding. I am posting this to help remove the stigma of weakness from all kinds of mental health challenges. And if you need help, there are many people out there who can provide it."

Now, where I may not suffer from anxiety, I do suffer. And man, did he hit it on the head. Most if the people I know know me as happy and crazy. But in reality, I struggle very single day. To get up, to talk to people, to go out, to be a part of a group. While it's not terrifying, it is insanely difficult for me. Because all I want to do is be home. So joining a book club? Terrifying. Going out to a party? OMG, it exhausts me even thinking about it. Swimming? I go because it's easier than dealing with the question as why I didn't go; and to be honest, I love those girls. Even when I don't want to be there they build me up.

Work? Well, I'm a chameleon. I'm always with a happy face. Making people laugh. But in my hotel room, or at home, I sometimes lie on the bed or couch and just need to breathe through it.

Honestly, there will be a time when I do not give a sh*t about this stuff. I have blood in my veins, I have air in my lungs, I have a roof over my head. I have family. I have friends. I have (sometimes) a brain!
Amen.