KELLY CLARKSON!

Remember that scene from The 40 Year Old Virgin where Steve Carell gets his chest waxed? He yells "KELLY CLARKSON!" when they rip the hair out, and according to legend they only had one chance to do the scene, and he yelled that completely independently...as in it wasn't scripted. As in, it was the first thing he thought to say.

In that vein, I got my hoo-ha waxed for the first time ever Saturday.  I am still learning how to walk. I did not swear, but there were a lot of weird noises escaping my mouth. I mean, even I was surprised! At one point the girl congratulated me on not swearing, because I normally swear when I get my eyebrows and upper lip done.  I told her I was trying not to yell "KELLY CLARKSON!". She bent over my hoo-ha laughing, and then I felt better, since who wants to get that close unless it's clean, right? Swimming starts again in September (after being closed for two months) and I needed a fresh...uhm...look.

Thanks to my ongoing obsession with rum and cheese...and also two surgeries...I have a lovely shelf with my belly This shelf makes it a bit difficult to see what the f*ck I'm shaving in that area. Too much information? Wait till I tell you my toilet tales. My toilet has NO ROOM on either side of it. No joke. It takes several yoga moves to...uhm...get yourself clean...

OK! Off to put my bed back on the wooden blocks my brother brought me to keep my bed a little more even in my crooked trailer.

Also, Roxy continues to pant so hard on the bed I feel like a busy hooker. Seriously, the up and down are making me dizzy.