I'm Baaack!

Oh hi! Remember me? I've been stuck under thousands of pounds of dog hair and finally was able to claw my way out -- just in time for my staff Christmas party. Where I may or may not have sung "Did I Shave My Legs For This?" while slightly intoxicated.

So- Big News! Ha ha, just kidding. No big news, other than HOLY SH*T IT'S DECEMBER 1ST!! Where did the year go? Last thing I remember was my pipes freezing and having to live with my ma for a month and suddenly it's winter again. Must be the rum.

My pesky brother-in-law wrote a response to my last post about stupid drivers. It's a true story about his experience driving with me. The only thing I've changed are the names, but otherwise it's pretty much word-for-word what he wrote. I've included my notes in italics.

To set the scene, the four of us - pesky brother-in-law, sister, me and their big dog who kept farting - are in a rented car driving to my brother's place to meet our brand new niece! And we're meeting the rest of the family there and staying in cabins for a few days to visit. I'm driving. And it's more than 5 years ago, so the whole cell phone-driving thing wasn't law yet. Just sayin'.

Sister (to me): "I'm just figuring out how to work your cell phone to call mom."

Me (while driving 90ish in an 80 zone) -RK: it was really more like almost 100:  "Just give me the phone.  I'll do it."

Sister: "No, you are driving.  I'll figure it out."

Me (now looking at you while driving 90ish in an 80 zone while approaching a crane at the side of the highway and a cop at the side of the road):  "Here, give it to me!  I'll do it!"

RK: again...almost 100. And yes, surprisingly there was a very large crane in the middle of the road lifting an army vehicle out of the ditch, and somehow I totally didn't see it.
 

Pesky brother-in-law (trembling in back seat of the car):  "Um, RedKap?  You may want to slow down for the cop."

Me:  "Seriously, give me the phone!"

Sister: "No, I'm doing it, just calm down."

Pesky brother-in-law: "Ahem, RedKap?!  The cop wants you to slow down here."

Me: "Will you give me the friggin' phone!"

Pesky brother-in-law: "Slow down for the cop!"

Me: "What cop?!"

Pesky brother-in-law "The cop at the side of the road who is frantically waving his arms around for you to SLOW DOWN!" RK - again, totally did not see the cop in the middle of the road waving frantically for me to slow down. Must be the rum.

Sister: "That cop right there."

Me (while speeding past the incredulous cop who is standing across from the crane at the side of the road as it is pulling a truck out of the ditch): "Oh…"

Pesky brother-in-law: "I'm sorry, I can never ride in a car with you driving….ever again."

Sister: "Oh here we go.  I got the phone to work now."

RK - People just don't appreciate that I am just a very confident driver.