I follow a blooger named Heather Armstrong, who is the author of Dooce.com. If you ever get a chance, check her out. She describes herself as a recovering mormon, a professional blogger, a mom, a wife, and someone who has seen the dark side of depression and is still working through the whole thing.
She has been very vocal about mental health in the US. Recently, she wrote a post that describes how she is feeling herself slide, and it hit home so much that I thought I would share it here. I can't describe it any better than she does in this post, talking about how delibitating, how controlling, how greedy it can be.
From Dooce.com:
"....the last eight months or so have been pretty hard, and I'm struggling. I've pushed through with as much strength as I can, but that dark demon has returned and is trying to convince me that it's not worth climbing over the next obstacle. Give up. Lie down and cry. Stare at the ceiling until every limb goes numb."
Dark demon is a great way to describe it, because that's what it is. It comes over you, encompasses you, and won't let you out of its grasp. It's like something from Harry Potter....except not as popular (or cute). It makes you just want to lie down, pull the cover over your head, and pretend like the world isn't there.
So, for now, I am taking my Happy Pills, seeing a private therapist for the first time in this city this Friday (paid by me) and trying to get by day-to-day. I really felt better for the first two weeks, but am now feeling like I have some sort of weird immunity to anti-depressants. It works for a while, then teeters off.
It's all good though. I'm seeing the therapist, and I am very anxious to get back on track. Yay for therapy!
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