Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Just a reminder that there are only 20 DAYS TILL CHRISTMAS!!!  Other than making sure that North and South Korea don't kill each other and that every soldier comes home safe and sound from wherever they are, oh..and world peace, blah, blah, blah, here is my Christmas wish list for your consideration:

1. Big Sorel snow boots so I can be MASTER OF THE SNOW! Just a note here: they don't have to be Sorels per se, as long as the boots make me MASTER OF THE SNOW. All in caps.
2. No more diarrhea for Roxy. I just had to spell that word like, six times before I got it right. Anyhow, the poor dog needs a break from the runs, as do I. There are only so many times I can get up in the night, man. Show some mercy here.
3. A Laundry Fairy. Just not the one with the beard...she creeps me out a bit. Oh, what the heck; might as well throw in one of those House-Cleaning Gnomes as well.
4. Cross-country skis. See, there are some trails around my crooked house and I often see people glide, glide, gliding by. I would like to be like that. Although, let's honest...I won't be gliding. I'll be the Bridget Jones of cross-country skiing. But, still. Gimme.
5. A million dollars. Hey, it's a WISH list. Fine, fine....make it ten million.
6. Candace Olsen from HGTV to come and makeover my crooked rented house. I have big plans, man...big plans. And tell her to bring that little Chico guy with her. He's fun.
7. Or, Sarah Richardson. She's very good too. Either one for the makeover will do. Just get one.
8. A tall handsome rich dude who likes slightly plump redheads. Bonus points if he's actually single.

I think that's it for now. I'll update you as needed. And, by the way; I know the song says that you see me when I'm sleeping, but did you need to take photos? I mean, really. If you don't destroy them I'll drag out the clips of you in that sparkly silver thong. Remember last year when you had too much rum and eggnog? Yeah, that's right. There's evidence, mister.

Yours Truly,
Redkap

PS -> Stop stealing the treats I leave for the reindeer! Have a heart -- those poor things drag your ass around ALL NIGHT LONG.