This System is Flawed

Did you ever notice that the same 2 old people are in almost every infomercial on TV? Those are 2 prayer-loving, tomato-growing, Snuggly-loving people who adore the crystal-clear sounds of a hearing amplifier.

They're so cute when the camera pans to them in church, finally being able to hear the hymns! And when he gives her that cross necklace imbedded with the Lord's prayer? I get choked up just thinking about it. SO LOVING.

But let's talk about my mother, shall we?

The longest month ever is almost over. We had the final birthday bbq last weekend, complete with a cake that read "Happy Birthday...again." And as we were driving home after that party, me thinking that it had finally, FINALLY ended, she turns to me and says:

"Now, about Mother's Day..."

Oh. Holy. Fuck.

When I was a kid, I used to think - as many kids do - why there wasn't a kid's day. And I know now that it's because Christmas is kid's day. As is Easter. I mean, how many chocolates and presents do we need to give these snotty-nosed brats in a year? Seriously!

Except for my niece, of course, who is the perfect child.

ANYHOW, I get the whole no-kid's-day thing. I get it. But now that I'm older I'm wondering about all those other people who don't get a special day, like Mother's Day, Father's Day, Administrative Assistant Day (Honestly! Shouldn't ALL workers have a day? Isn't that like, prejudice or something?)

I'm thinking of a Pet Owner's Day, for example. Shouldn't we celebrate those who choose to take on the responsibility of a pet? I mean, they are serious business...especially when you have to walk them at 6 am after a night at your landlord's place where you accidentally got drunk and woke up to find new curtains in her house that were put up by her sisters while she was passed out.

Not that that happened.

Or, what about those people who are not married? Common-Law day. That's nice. Or Hey! You Have A Job! day. Or I'm Semi-Mature And Paying Rent day. What about I Am Not Living With My Mother...Anymore day? Or, I Went To Sudbury For Work And Met The Canine Training Team And Didn't Take Off My Top day.

I deserve a medal. Those boys were seriously cu-uuu-te.

Ok. So more melanoma gift certificates are needed, apparently. Killing my mother with skin cancer is making me bankrupt.