Give'r

I got my rock popped last weekend in Kirkland Lake.

For those of you who don’t know, Kirkland Lake is like…well…very small. Very small. But the people there know how to have a good time.

It all started when I was talked into joining a curling bonspiel with a few people I work with. It’s an annual thing – 54th annual, to be exact. It’s a tradition. A time when we all get together as one to bond and play Canada’s great sport.

Turns out I work with a bunch of maniacs.

We started out on our journey on what is known as the Booze Bus. Did I mention the Booze Bus left at 10 am? By 10:15 I had my first drink. I wrote my friend Country Girl (who, by the way, is a seasoned curler) and told her I was worried about getting too tipsy in front of people I work with.

Her response: Give’r. She’s so smart.

Here’s how it went down:

10:00 am: Get on bus. People already drinking. Going to be a loooong day.

10:15: Redkap has first drink

10:30: Redkap writes her sister. Sister warns not to get ‘melty-drunk-face’ in front of work colleagues. Good point.

10:35: Second Ceaser. Yum yum. They even brought dill pickles! And celery! What smart people.

10:45: Ohhh! Beer! Lime beer. Mmmm….

11:00: Huh?

11:15: Round of shots begin. Something about ‘slippery nipples”, but I’m sure it was just Bailey’s and Sambuca.

11:25: Melty face begins. Thank God we’re almost there.

11:40: Tell manager to come find me when we have to play. Fall asleep on bed. Hoping I’m in the right room.

12:30: Cell phone pings. Ignore.

12:45: Cell phone pings. Ignore.

1:00: Hotel phone rings. It’s manager– apparently I didn’t answer his texts. What texts? Go to party room for more drinks.

2:30: Forget why we are there.

3:45: Oh right. Curling.

4:15: Booze + slippery ice + a 40-pound piece of rock + no idea what the fuck I’m doing = tons’o fun for Redkap!

5:30: Overheard: “At some point, you gotta think: I’m jumping around the dance floor, kicking up my legs and wearing a kilt. Is it really a good idea considering I’m dancing with a midget?” DYING TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION. But I refrain.

6:00: Some form of dinner. Music starts. Sweet Child o’ Mine comes on. OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS PLACE! I’m never, ever leaving.

2:30 am: Limp back to hotel.

I’ll have you know, I was very well-behaved. Sadly, I didn’t win the “Beast of the East” trophy (that went to some girl who ended up humping a chair). But I did dance my ass off. Well, not really off, considering how big it is. At least I tried.

Turns out I can’t curl worth shit either. At the beginning, my skip (I’m SO curling-hip) did his little broom thingy, telling me where to shoot my rock. By the end he didn’t even bother. He just kept yelling “THROW THE ROCK!” Then he would walk halfway down the ice to go and get it. I think that’s a bad sign.

Kirkland Lake rocked my socks. Can you dig it?