Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear?

One hundred million dollars to the person who gets that reference from the title.

Just kidding. That'll never happen, you idiots. Have you been reading my blog? 

Anyhow, can I tell you a story about bird poop? Ok, well shut up because you are reading my blog and today I'm talking about the science behind the flight of bird poop. Quite literally, how bird poop flies and why it affects me. 

Example #1: My Crooked Trailer has a bit of a porch on the front. Not a big one, but enough of one to have two chairs and a cute table that I bought on sale for 27$ at the grocery store. Have I mentioned it's cute? It's blue. 

ANYHOW, I have a window underneath the porch roof. It's underneath the porch roof. Have I mentioned it's underneath the porch roof? 

One day I come home and I find a long, white-and-black, goopy pile of bird shit not only on  my window, but SEEPING THROUGH MY WINDOW SCREEN. Which means that some bird, miles high in the sky, decided to take a dump. It decided to take a dump about three miles away. Then it released that dump, and it went flying through the air....flying through the air, picking up speed, starting slow then taking on a slight tangent in the air that made it finally drop at a straight 45 DEGREE ANGLE, landing under my porch roof and in my window. 

You think I'm exaggerating. You. Just. Wait.

Example #2: So yesterday I get into my car after work. We've been having incredibly weird weather lately, raining harder than Hades then being hotter than Hades. Yesterday at work I rolled down my driver's side window on the way to work and forgot to roll it up. No worries, I thought, because it never did rain and it was literally rolled down a few inches. 

So I get into my car, look down and notice something funny on the side of the driver's seat. I look closer, and it's....

Wait for it...

BIRD SHIT! ON THE SIDE OF THE DRIVER'S SEAT! WHERE I SIT! 

Bird shit, where I sit. That has a nice ring to it. 

Seriously, a bird, miles high, decided to take a giant crap.  And that crap came down, gaining speed and angles as it went. And then, it managed to MAKE ITS WAY INTO THE TINY LITTLE OPENING IN THE WINDOW. 

Honest to God.