Bits and Pieces

Well, howdy and Happy 2014!

You'll never know how happy I was to see this end of 2013. It was worse than 2099 - and remember the post after THAT year? Ugh. It started with broken pipes and a broken furnace and ended with a lot of broken hearts. But, like our friend Crazy Jimmy says, over time we'll have to begin our healing or else she'll start slapping us all upside the head. From the other side. And he's right. She totally will. She's tough like that.

So, a few things to bring you up to date on. It's been so f*cking cold here you can't even imagine. And I'm not talking about the -30 that they are experiencing in Toronto (ask me how much we all feel sorry for those blokes! Go ahead! Ask!), I'm talking about -40-ish weather, -50 with the windchill. No, I'm SO NOT KIDDING YOU!

Luckily for me I f*cked off to Peterborough for that week. So it worked out quite perfectly. Except my poor brother and his wife had to come over and thaw my pipes, which did NOT burst because - da da da daaaa! - I got new pipes installed when everything happened last January. But still, the poor bastard spent a lot of time up close and personal with my hair blower. Under my kitchen sink. In my crooked trailer.

Like I said, I spent some time, including New Years, in Peterborough with my sister and peskiest-brother-in-law. I had some good cries, a LOT of sleep (like, unnatural amounts), wine, rum (ok, maybe there were unnatural amounts of those too), and a lot of yummy, delicious, scrumptious food (TOTALLY WAY TOO MUCH FOOD). And I felt so much better when I left. Rested and relaxed. And, because I whipped my sister's ass in Yahtzee, it was all the better. She may or may not have beat my in Dominoes. We won't talk about that.

Did I mentioned I almost died driving there? If my ma is reading this, I'm totally exaggerating. Totally. No almost-death experiences here! No, no. Look away. I'm home safe and sound now...see? Nothing to worry about! Here, look at my butt instead! It's quite large.

We had so much snow here last night that Roxy, my just-over-knee-height, 56-pound dog ran off the front porch and disappeared. Like, under the snow. I don't know what I did to deserve to live beside a guy with a snowblower, but thank goodness for him or else I would be one of those shut-ins with hairy legs. I mean, I have hairy legs. But a shut-in with hairy legs? No one wants that. If that guy had teeth, I'd totally tap him.

Oh, but there's more! When I got back from the Peter Patch, my brother and his wife's father had completely fixed my bathroom wall and ceiling from when we ripped out a really ugly, gross cabinet earlier this year. I mean, drywalled, primed it, and then my brother put up shelves. PUT UP SHELVES!!! F*ck, I am so lucky to have the family I do. I honestly, honestly don't know what the hell I'd do without them.

(As a side note, I am typing this and my ma's dog, who is over at my house, just farted. It woke him up and he's looking at his butt like "What the hell?!?")

And finally, my 3-year old niece got a black eye from not listening to her ma. And before you call child services, it was a skating accident. Her mother told her not to go out until they were all ready, but she did, slipped and hit her eye on a piece of side board. When I asked my oldest niece about it, she said "yeah, it's all yellow and green. But that's ok, because those are my favourite colours!"

Ok, that's it for now. RedKap ooouuut!