Routine

Since I moved into my crooked trailer with my new yard, this is how my nights go:

• I let Roxy out when I get home from work; usually take her for a little w-a-l-k. This is after her outing with the dog-walker and my w-a-l-k with her in the morning.
• I make her dinner; she scratches at the door. I let her out.
• She scratches to get back in; I let her in.
• She rubs me. And then scratches to go back out. I let her out and tie her up on her lead.
• She starts barking at nothing. I open the door and look at her. She stops. Seven minutes later she scratches to get back in. Again.
• I let the bitch back in. Seconds later she is back at the door to get back out. I tell her to lay down; she doesn't seem to understand this command. Instead she starts panting and pacing, even though I know she's already been to the bathroom.
• I let her out.
• She barks.
• I open the door and say, in my most authoritative voice, "NO BARKING". She shuts up.
• Seconds later, she is scratching to get back in.
• I let her in. She pants and paces and scratches at the door.
• By this time I am LOSING IT and tell her she is staying outside for the rest of her life.
• She pants and scratches anyway.
• I let her out and tell her she can spend the night outside.
• She scratches to get in.
• I let her in and start crying because she has broken me. I give up, f*ck.
• She lies on the couch, triuphant, and promptly falls asleep.
• At 4:45, she paws at my bed. and it starts again.

Is it any wonder I am on medication?