This Morning

The scene: just waking up in bed. I roll over to find Roxy lying beside me, staring at me.

Me: YAWN!!!

Roxy (wagging her tail): Pant pant pant.

Me: Morning my girl.

I close my eyes. Then I feel it...

Me: Roxy, stop licking.

Roxy: Tastes like chicken!

I close my eyes again. Then...

Me: Roxy, no licking!

Roxy: And what is that I taste? A little rum maybe?

Me: Is the ckicken I ate last night coming through my pores? It was yummy, if I do say so myself.

Roxy (wagging her tail): Pant pant pant.

I roll onto my back. And then...

Me: Roxy! My goodness! I am not a treat! No licking!

Roxy: Technically, that wasn't a lick. I was simply sticking my tongue out of my mouth, and when I moved it accidentally touched you. I just, well, kept it there.

Me: You're so weird.

Roxy: Hey - YOU'RE the one who is bringing me up, so...  Oh, and by the way I have to go outside.

Me: I guess you want to go out, right?

Roxy: yeah (FARTS)

Me: Oh MAN! You stink! Ok, ok, let's go for walk.

Roxy: HOLY CRAP! A WALK! THIS IS LIKE, THIS IS LIKE HUUUUGGGEE!! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Me: Why do you always act like you never go for a walk? We go out All. The. Time.

Roxy: I'm a dog, dummy.