Advice

I'm travelling for work, and it involved an 8-hour car ride. Luckily, I'm staying at one of my sister's places, so I get to bring Roxy.

Before I left though, I got some driving instructions from my family:

Mom:
Mom: "Be careful. And drive with TWO HANDS. None of that one-finger-on-the-steering-wheel stuff."
Me: "Ok, I will."
Mom: "It's not YOU, it's those other assholes on the road I'm worried about. You just never know."
Me: "Ok mom."
Mom: "Oh, I'm going to worry the whole time. Call me when you stop to let Roxy out so I know you're safe."
Me: "Ok mom."

(When I'm 65 and driving, we will have the same conversation. Guaranteed.)


Brother:
Bro: "So, be careful. It's been raining all day today, and tonight it's going down to -12. So, that means that all the water out there on the road will freeze. And that means it will be slippery on the roads. The plow should be out. So be careful. Ok, bye."

(He may be younger than me, but he is my big brother. Always watching out for me.)


Sister: (not the one I'm staying with...the other one.)
Sis: "Don't pick up any hitchikers...not even if they're good-looking."
(DAMN!)
Me: "But what if they're cute AND rich?"
Sis: "And just how will you know they're rich?"
(Excellent question.)
Me: "Uh, they'll put it on the sign they're holding."
(Silence. I think I amazed her with my brilliance.)
Sis: "Well, if they're rich they'll probably have bigger and better guns."
(DAMN!)