Dear Momma

Hi Momma,

I am watching Law and Order SVU right now. It's one we haven't seen. Or maybe we have; we've watched so many of them I lose track sometimes. Same with NCIS, Bones, Diners Drive Ins and Dives....

I think of you every day. Every single day. I miss you so much.

I talked about you today and didn't cry. Well, at least not right away. One of the doctors who treated you saw me in the grocery store and asked me how you were doing. He was the one who was very erect, remember?  I mean he walked erect...he wasn't erect-erect. Ha! Anyhow, he remembered treating you...even remembered my name.

So, I told him that you had passed, and he was shocked. He remembered that you were fragile, that there was a very delicate balancing act happening. But he was still surprised that it was so fast. I told him that I felt the same way, that even as you were lying in "comfort care" I was sure -- no, make that ABSOLUTELY sure -- that you were going to live a long time. I tell people that you made the decision yourself, partly because I hope it's true and partly because it makes me feel better, because I didn't do more for you in the days before all that happened.

Your boy is missing you, so I've been spoiling him like crazy, which is kinda backfiring because now he's even more of a suck, if you can believe it. The other day I said "your momma would be rolling her eyes right now", and when he heard me say "momma" he ran to the window to look for you.

I am starting to think of you with smiles and laughter more often. But I miss you everyday. You'd be amazed at the support we're getting. And the people who have reached out! You obviously made an impression on a lot of people.

I love you so much momma! I hope you have your head back in laughter, and a very large glass of wine in your hand.

Love,
Your Squirt
Xxoo