My Funeral

Happy New Year, Merry Christmas and all that. Now let's talk about my funeral.

Ok, before you freak out, I am not sick or dying or anything (at least not that I know of), BUT, I mean, I could, you know, be walking into work tomorrow morning when suddenly an army drone drops thousands of feet and lands squat on my head. You just never know.

And, let's be honest. I would love to be at my own funeral, because it's the only time that it will REALLY be ALL ABOUT ME! And you know how much I love things to be all about me. Also, if I have the chance I would like to write my own obituary because wouldn't it be awesome to read an obituary that starts off with "What up? From Heaven, heeeeeeeere's Karen! I was so awesome."

So, if a drone or some other item does drop on my head tomorrow, I would just like to say for the record that I want my funeral to be fun. And all about me. So, like, maybe people could tell funny stories about me versus having some minister I've never met try to remember what my name is as they recite the same thing they have for ten thousand other funerals. I'm not entirely sure, but I'm thinking that someone, somewhere has a funny story or 100 to tell. Pretend it's my wedding and you're trying to embarrass me.

Do they allow booze at funeral homes? Because I would like people to have beverages. And snacks. My favourite snacks. Like cheese. Lots of cheese. And rum.

And music. Fun music...not sure which ones yet. I'm pretty sure that the song "Asshole" by Dennis Leary would not be really appropriate, but wouldn't that be fun? Ohh! Maybe someone could rent out Gibby's bar and have a karaoke party! Make sure that someone sings "Did I Shave My Legs For This". Or maybe you could just play it at my funeral.

Point is, I want people to walk out of my funeral and think it really was a celebration of my life. Because life IS a celebration. I want people to laugh when they think of me - not AT me, mind you, but laugh with memories. Because life's too short not to laugh.

Oh, and one more thing...I'd like to be buried. Cremated and buried. Some family members are starting a collection of cremation vases, so I'd like to, you know, be off a shelf. Maybe plant a tree or put a bench somewhere beautiful so people can sit and enjoy a lovely view.

Ok, that's it! Now I'm off to watch Say Yes to the Dress.