Sleeping With the Enemy..

...or, you know, 3 and 5-year olds.

Scene: Babysitting my nieces for four days. Nightime, around 4 am. My five-year old niece, Alyssa, is diagonal beside me in the bed, sound asleep. Whenever we are visiting she likes to sleep in the 'big bed' with me. Three-year old Avery is in her own bed, because sleeping with her is like sleeping with Muhammad Ali - a very bruising experience.

Avery (crying in the hallway): Maaaaammmmaaaaaa...

Me (getting out of bed to go get her): Shhshh, sweetie. Mamma is still away for a few days. You have a bad dream?

Avery (still crying): Peeeeeeee.....

Me: Ok, let's go.

We go to the bathroom, and I decide to go too.

Avery (poking me and suddenly not crying anymore): You have a biiiig belly!

Me: Ok, thanks.

Avery: HA HA!!

Me: Ok, back to bed. Off you go.

Avery: I sleep with you now?

Me (squirming at the pain that is sure to come once she's asleep): Uhhhh....ok.

We get into bed, where she immediately starts doing something resembling 'the bicycle' with her legs and poking my face.

Avery: Nose....

Me: Mm-Hmm..

Avery: Where are your boobies?

Me: You can't see my boobies. Go to sleep.

Avery: Why?

Me: Because it's nighttime and we need to go to sleep.

Avery: Oh.

I close my eyes. Her legs start going and she flips on top of me.

Avery (singing and poking my boobs): Sleepy-sleepy-ooh-haa...

Me: Avery! Go to sleep, ok?

Avery: Why?

This continues on and on for the next 45 minutes. Finally, her legs start to still, her breathing starts to deepen. Just when I'm thinking I am finally home free, she sits up and yells:

"WHEE-OOO-WHEE-OOO"

Like a fire truck.

I jump out of my skin, turn around and say:

"AVERY. Go to sleep RIGHT NOW!"

Avery: Oh, ok!

And then she promptly fell asleep. I think it was around 5 am by this point.

Then Alyssa woke up at 6:30. Avery slept till 8:45.

I went to bed at 8:30 the next night. I have a new appreciation for my sister-in-law. She deserves a f*cking medal. A great, big, gold medal.